Yuki Sohma: Life With You is Not Really Living
by The Character's Death
Summary: "If you cry, it will only make this worse for you…" The voice hissed this promise, inches from Yuki's ear. And things do get worse...much worse. This story is not for the faint of heart...or the Prince Yuki Fan Club! Enjoy! Please read and review as this is my first fic EVER! Let me know what you think! Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket...and want to own Yuki Sohma! *Complete*
1. Life With You

"Just let it happen…" The voice purred.

But Yuki could not help the instant pain in his chest, an automatic response to the voice he knew so well. Yuki waited for what he knew would come next, and he was never disappointed….ever. The voice became more menacing, hot breath on the back of his neck.

"If you cry, it will only make this worse for you…" The voice hissed this promise, inches from Yuki's ear.

And then it happened. Fingers found their way onto Yuki's neck, a shiver ran down his back from the unexpected sensation as he let out a small gasp. His breathing became more labored. Then something he fully expected, as the fingers began to slowly tighten around his neck and close off his air supply.

"No…..please…" Yuki gasped.

But the only response was shear pain as the fingers dug into Yuki's throat, closing off his windpipe. His eyes burned from the pressure building in his head, and despite his best effort a single tear traced it's way down his cheek. Yuki could feel himself loosing consciousness, and he made one more feeble attempt for his life.

"Please…Akito…..Stop!" He whispered. "It hurts….."

As Yuki slipped into blackness he felt something else. A gentle hand brushing his face and hair. Then came a different voice, more gentle and full of worry.

"Yuki! Yuki wake up! You need to wake up and open your eyes! Yuki! Yuki, breathe!" the new voice pleaded.

By shear will, Yuki managed to obey this latest request but was confused when all he found was more blackness. As his vision cleared through the tears he had been crying Yuki saw a familiar face looking down at him, their eyes full of genuine horror and worry.

"Sh-Shi-gure?" But Yuki could not make sense of anything, and he was still in so much pain.

"Yuki, your having an asthma attack. I called Hatori, but I need you to tell me where you keep your medication. Yuki, please!"

Yuki felt himself slipping back into the blackness again. But this time it was for real. He could see the panic come over Shigure's face as he began to close his eyes.

"Yuki! No, no, no! Open your eyes!" Shigure shouted, but his voice sounded too far away to reach Yuki now.

Yuki's eyes shot open, and were flooded with blinding light. He hissed as he lifted his hand to his face, trying to shield his eyes. He could feel that he was laying down, and as he looked from between his fingers he began to recognize the familiar surroundings of his bedroom. Then he heard the same worried voice from his dream.

"Hatori! Hatori, he's awake!"

As Yuki let his head fall to the side, he could see Shigure kneeling near his bed. Yuki assessed Shigure's face, drinking in all of the lines and deep bruising under his eyes. Yuki had never seen Shigure this disheveled and exhausted, not even after coming home late from a night of partying with Yuki's brother, Ayame. Then it dawned on Yuki that the clothes he had fallen asleep in were no longer on his body. He sat straight up from his bed, clutching his sheets.

"Shigure, what happened?! What did you do with my clothes?" Yuki shouted in horror, eyes fixated with utter confusion on his cousin.

Yuki's older cousin and acting guardian, Shigure, was not above practical jokes to fulfill his own need for amusement. Shigure, having been on his own for quite some time with only his editor to harass, sometimes left Yuki feeling more like a new play-toy than a younger cousin. Needless to say Shigure's pranks and hazing were almost always inappropriate, and never welcomed. Though for the life of him Yuki could simply not understand why Shigure would go to this length just for sport.

"Huh? Don't look at me, Yuki, I had nothing to do with that!" Shigure cried against the accusation.

"No…I did." A calm, monotone voice came from the other side of Yuki's bed.

Before Yuki could turn around to identify the other person in his room he felt something extremely cold placed beneath his bare shoulder blade. Yuki flinched at the unexpected discomfort, but before he could protest he felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder, keeping him stationary.

"Breathe in normally." The voice prompted, and Yuki complied.

Yuki sat in his bed obeying the voice giving out orders to breathe in and out, focusing on his breath and the cold object migrating around his bare back. He closed his eyes, and listened as Shigure began to speak in a low, serious tone.

"Yuki, you had a pretty bad asthma attack in your sleep. Actually, the worst one I've seen since you moved in. You stopped breathing, Yuki. Had I not heard you mumbling in your sleep when it was happening…." Shigure trailed off, his eyes glazed over, filling with tears.

Yuki looked away from Shigure. He couldn't handle seeing Shigure looking so guilty. That, and Yuki could tell that Shigure had at least some idea of the nightmare Yuki was having…but how much had he heard?

"Thankfully Shigure had the wherewithal to call me before it was too late." the monotone voice stated. "I'm done here. "

At that announcement Yuki swiveled to the direction of the voice, coming face to face with Hatori.

"So…how bad was it this time…" Yuki asked, having finally collected his normal composure.

"It was bad, Yuki." Hatori said calmly, continuing to examine the boy gently, his fingers a stark contrast to those in Yuki's nightmare. "Open," He prompted, and Yuki obliged without question, opening his mouth widely to give his doctor a good view of his throat. "You were completely blue and unresponsive. I had to give you an emergency epinephrine injection so the swelling in your throat would reduce enough for me to administer you your medication." Hatori stated in a calm, clinical tone. "Have you been taking care of yourself?"

Yuki closed his mouth slowly letting his head slump down, his stiff sweat soaked bangs covering his line of sight. He did not want to look his doctor in the eye. Absentmindedly rubbing the back of his neck made it obvious to everyone that Yuki was trying to avoid the question…without success. A deep sigh escaped Hatori's lips as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Yuki just held his breath, waiting for the fallout.

"Yuki Sohma. If I am to treat your condition properly I need to know what you have been doing to exasperate your symptoms." Hatori barked, his eyes piercing Yuki's avoidant gaze.

"Well…" Yuki mumbled, continuing his refusal to make eye-contact, "I have been staying up late studying for the past two weeks, preparing for exams. And I have also been spending extended hours after school to fulfill my obligations to the student counsel."

After a moment of silence Hatori cleared his throat. Having treated Yuki for serious, chronic asthma since childhood, he knew that the teenage boy was hiding something. Yuki had been steadily growing out of the condition, so Hatori assumed that something more must have induced this latest onset.

"So…that is everything, is it?" Hatori inquired in monotone, making it more of a statement to be challenged then an actual question.

Yuki's shoulders stiffened in response, understanding that Hatori had become wise to his diversion. After another moment of silence in the room he finally met Hatori's gaze, letting out the breath he had been holding in.

"No…" Yuki whispered, almost too quiet to hear. "I also competed in a long distance race for my track team yesterday afternoon."

Yuki sat perfectly still on his bed, clutching the sheets in his fists, waiting for the anger that would understandably come from his doctor. Yuki knew that he had not been taking the normal precautions to keep himself healthy. Hatori finally broke the silence with another sigh.

"I see." a gentle, almost paternal tone came from Hatori. "You really must be more careful from now on. You know you can't put this much stress on your body, it's not good for you."

Yuki just blinked with astonishment and nodded his head. Hatori was never this…warm…if that is what you could call it. This must have been worse then Yuki thought, and he felt very badly that he had caused so much worry to his family.

"Now, Yuki, this is extremely important" Hatori stated clinically, making sure that the youth was paying close attention to his instructions. "You need to make sure that from now on Shigure knows where your medication is. If you move it you need to let him know right away so he will be able to find it if this happens again." he paused, looking at Shigure to make sure that he was also listening. Then he looked back at Yuki. "I also suggest that you stay home from school today and rest." As Yuki frowned and opened his mouth to protest Hatori simply ignored him, stating "I will write you a doctors note that Shigure can deliver to the school as soon as it opens. You really must rest now, Yuki, or you will become seriously ill." he warned, clearly leaving no room for further objections. "It's Friday, so that will give you the weekend to recuperate as well."

"Shigure," Hatori looked past Yuki to make eye-contact with Shigure. "I need you to monitor Yuki's condition over the weekend and call me immediately if he worsens."

Shigure nodded seriously, and looking at Yuki's thin, fragile body he vowed to himself that he would not let the boy out of his sight. Hatori then stood up from Yuki's bedside and handed him a pair of clean cloths.

"Shigure, come see me out. Yuki, go take a long hot shower. Make sure to breathe in the steam to further relax and open your airway. Then dress and go straight back to bed…I mean that."

And with that the adults departed and Yuki was left alone to do as he was told. He could hear Hatori whispering to Shigure down the stairs, something about Yuki being sicker than he looked, and scolding Shigure for allowing Yuki to participate in so many extra-circular activities. Yuki flinched at those words. He tried so hard to be…normal…and his illness was just one more manifestation of just how far away from _normal_ he really was. A truth that had been revealed to him a long time ago. He hung his head, unconsciously pulling his knees to his chest. His eyes glazed over, an old memory infiltrating his mind without permission.

"Akito, am I really that strange? Am I so strange that we have to hide it from everyone?" asked a young Yukie, only four or five at the time. A voice not much older than his own answered with icy, cold disdain.

"Hmph.. yes, you are that strange... really, you're a freak. They wouldn't come near you, they'd _hate_ you."

Yuki shook his head, forcing the memory back to the darkness where it had come. He stood up weakly, still lightheaded from the sustained lack of oxygen, and with the sheet wrapped around his thin body he slowly made his way to the bathroom. Hatori was right to keep him out of school today. Hatori was right, as always, when it came to matters of Yuki's health.

Yuki drowned in his thoughts, trying furiously to focus on each drop of water that fell on his face. He wanted…most of all…to forget the nightmare, to forget the one who's name he could only speak in his nightmares. Even though the water was hot, turning his normally pale skin an angry red, Yuki began to shake. He placed his hands out to brace himself against the shower wall. His head fell forward, allowing the water to fall on his back, as the tremors continued to rock his body. A voice spoke then, just loud enough to be heard over the running water.

"Yuki, how are you doing in there?" Yuki stiffened with the fact that he was no longer alone, torn out of his own thoughts.

"I'm fine, Shigure, really." his voice came quietly from behind the shower curtain. "I'll be out in a minute…" Yuki heard the door close, and he was alone once more. He would have to thank Shigure when he was done.

Yuki turned off the water and began drying himself off slowly, continuing to breathe in the steam as ordered. Again, Hatori was right, and Yuki could feel his lungs becoming stronger. Then, wrapping the towel around his waist, he approached the mirror. Wiping away the steam with the palm of his hand, he looked into the mirror to better assess his reflection. His hair was a disheveled mess from being towel dried, so he quickly combed through it with his fingers. He then looked at his face, focusing on his eyes. Eyes that looked like they belonged to someone who had seen much more than any seventeen year old high school student. Looking closer he could see that they were blood shot, having suffered broken capillaries from his recent struggle with breathing. Then he looked at his bare chest which was covered with multiple, though faint, scars from scratches and burns. Most of which Hatori had treated himself. None of which were ever visible to others. An act of mercy on _his_ part, Yuki assumed. He traced his fingers over some of the larger scars, then quickly let his hand drop. His eyes hardened at the reflection in the mirror, and he quickly threw on the shirt and sweat pants Hatori had given him.

"Yuki, shouldn't you be back in bed?" Shigure asked, surprised to see the youth coming down the hall into the kitchen where he was.

"Not tired…" Yuki mumbled, his back to Shigure as he opened the refrigerator door.

"B-But…Hatori…" Shigure stammered from the kitchen table, looking bewildered at the boy.

"I'm…not…tired…" the words came slow…deliberate…as Yuki glared coldly at Shigure, cutting him off mid sentence as he closed the fridge door.

Shigure sat motionless, averting his eyes to the small lines and scratches on the table. Yuki moved silently to sit across from him. After a moment Yuki folded his arms on the table and rested his forehead on them as he began to speak.

"I'm….I'm sorry. I just. I just don't want to _sleep_ right now. I promise I will rest and take a nap upstairs later." Yuki's muffled voice came soft and calm, attempting to sooth the tension.

Shigure finally looked up from the table to see Yuki looking at him, head still resting on his arms. His eyes, clearly exhausted, were pleading with Shigure to let him stay at the table…to understand. Shigure nodded with a smiled.

"But you better really take a nap today, or you will get me in big trouble with Hatori!" Shigure gave his infamous goofy grin and wagged his finger at Yuki, trying to further ease the tension. All Yuki could do was smile back. Shigure knew that grin always worked on him. They both began to chuckle softly.

"So, since you are up, want some hot tea?" Shigure asked, glad to see that Yuki was beginning to relax.

"Yes, that would be wonderful. Thank you…" Yuki smiled softly.

With that Shigure set to work boiling the water and washing two cups for tea. He frowned as he did so, looking at the state of the kitchen sink, filled with dirty dishes that had needed to be washed for some time now. He let out a heavy sigh.

"How I wish I could afford a maid…maybe one of those cute high school girls that keep following you around at school, Yuki. Yeah! Put them in a cute little maid's outfit, get this house properly cleaned up!" he mused, more to himself then the boy sitting at the table.

"Well…maybe if you wrote better material then the trash you publish now you might make more money…" Yuki growled. Sometimes Shigure's adolescent immaturity was too much to handle.

"Honestly though, we really need to do something about this kitchen. It's starting to become embarrassing." Shigure continued to muse as he was choosing tea bags to put in the cups.

"Don't look at me…" Yuki muttered, "I'm suppose to be taking it easy and resting, remember…" Just then the water boiled, making a loud whistle that echoed throughout the house.

"Tea time!" Shigure sang out above the tea kettle, apparently having forgotten about the mess that had been vexing him only minutes before.

Yuki rolled his eyes, shaking his head at the man-child that was acting as his guardian. Honestly, sometimes Yuki thought he could do a better job caring for himself. After spinning around the kitchen Shigure finally placed the hot cup of tea in front of Yuki.

"Drink up before it gets cold, doctor's orders!" Shigure looked at Yuki, winking with a smile. Then he took his place at the table with his own cup.

"Just don't let Hatori catch you saying that…" Yuki scoffed, putting the cup to his lips.

The two sat across from each other at the table, silently drinking their tea and thinking to themselves. Shigure would peek at Yuki from his cup every so often, noticing that the boy was deep in thought about something that Shigure could only guess was deeply unpleasant. Shigure had not heard much when Yuki spoke in his sleep. Just before he had come into Yuki's room to see what was wrong all he had heard clearly was Yuki gasping three words… "Akito… Stop… Hurt…" The rest had just been wheezing, mostly. He had a feeling that whatever nightmare he was having probably had more to do with his asthma attach then any of the activities he had disclosed to Hatori. Which made him wonder.

"Yuki…" Shigure started hesitantly. "Why didn't you tell Hatori about the nightmares you've been having…I mean…the stress alone…" But Shigure could not finish. Yuki would not even look at him.

"Because…I didn't think it was…important…" Yuki whispered.

"N-not important?!" Shigure looked perplexed. "But you have them almost every single night, Yuki, since you came here. And it seems like their getting worse…"

"So! What does that matter?!" Yuki spat bitterly, not wishing to discuss it further.

"It…It's just that it has me worried about you is all." Shigure's words trailed off, looking back down at the table.

He knew he wasn't, and could never be, the boy's father but he did feel a sense of responsibly for his well-being and happiness. Whatever happiness Yuki was allowed to have in this family, anyway. That is why Shigure never minded Yuki spending so much time on school activities. He saw Yuki smile more when he spent time at school…with other people.

"Shigure…" a small whisper came from across the table that made Shigure look up. "Do you think that Hatori will tell…_him_…about what happened tonight?" Yuki's voice faltered as he tried to finish the question, so terrified of the answer he knew was coming.

"Probably…" Shigure sighed, focusing on what was left in his tea cup. "He will want to know what Hatori was doing here at such an hour…and Hatori will _have_ to tell him, you know that."

Shigure had picked up on Yuki's dislike of speaking, or even hearing, _his_ name. It always looked like Yuki would flinch, expecting to be hit. So Shigure had decided long ago that in this house it would be an unspoken rule between the two of them that was respected….always. Shigure had also made the decision to never lie to the boy, either. That was something _he_ provided enough of already.

"Yes…I know that…" Yuki whispered, affirming what he had feared all along.

"Awe! Don't worry about it so much! Besides, right now I think you need to worry more about taking better care of yourself so you don't get in more trouble with Hatori! He took it easy on you this time, but if you get worse he won't be as nice about it!" Shigure chimed, giving Yuki his signature goofy grin.

"You're probably right about that." Yuki smiled, even managing to chuckle a little. "And, Shigure…"

"Yes…" Shigure seemed a little curious about the look on Yuki's face, not sure of what he might possibly want now.

"Thank you…for calling Hatori and taking care of me…I really am sorry I worried you so much." Yuki finished, looking down at his own, now empty, tea cup.

"Don't mention it, kid." Shigure replied warmly, smiling at the boy sitting across the table from him.

Yuki had come quite a long way from where he use to be. Shigure only wished that he could see it in himself. Just then Yuki stood up abruptly from the table. Shigure looked up, watching him carefully.

"Do you want some more tea, Yuki?" He asked, inspecting the boy's every movement.

"No. Thank you. Actually, I think that I might be able to sleep for a little while now, so I'm going back up to my room." Yuki stated, already halfway up the stairs.

The sun was just starting to rise over the mountains, and daylight was beginning to break. School would be starting in just a few short hours. Shigure continued to watch Yuki carefully, as he walked up the stairs to his room.

"Okay." Shigure replied softly. "I will check in on you in a while to see how you are doing."

"Thank you." That was all that came from the hall before Shigure heard the opening and closing of the bedroom door.

Shigure looked at the clock in the kitchen, deciding against a nap for himself. He would stay up, and check in on Yuki before heading to the school to deliver the doctor's note to excuse him from class. He would also need to make a call to his editor to let her know not to expect too much work from him over the weekend. Of course, he would try to make up some sort of story to tell her about how he was on his death bed…again…and lead her on until she finally discovered that he was actually ahead of schedule on his latest novel. He really couldn't help that her extreme gullibility and numerous emotional breakdowns over the potential of missed deadlines made for such good sport, he chuckled to himself.

Yuki laid in his bed, staring at the shadows playing across his ceiling from the morning light coming through the curtains. He allowed his mind to wander, feeling his eyelids becoming heavy with exhaustion. But he vowed to put off sleep as long as possible, praying that it would be dreamless when it finally clamed him. He was pulled out of his thoughts by the slow, gentle opening of his door.

"Oh…hey Yuki. Still awake?" Shigure smiled sheepishly, suddenly realizing the blatant stupidity of the question.

"Yes…" Yuki whispered politely, choosing to ignore the awkward question as he closed his eyes.

"Well, I'm going to the school now to drop off the note to excuse you. Will you be okay for a little while?" Shigure watched as Yuki nodded his head lightly in response. "Okay. Want me to pick anything up from your classes or locker?"

"No, thanks." Yuki sighed slowly, keeping his eyes closed. "I will just catch myself up on Monday."

"Okay. I'll be back soon." Shigure said in a hushed voice before taking his leave.

For once Yuki was grateful to be alone. He felt as though he could safely slip into a dreamless sleep and get some much needed rest. He actually became amazed at just how exhausted and week he really felt. He would have to begrudgingly thank Hatori for making him stay home from school.

Yuki jumped awake, not even realizing he had fallen asleep. The room was dark, and Yuki could hear light rain playing against his bedroom window. He sat up in bed and heard the phone ringing, the obvious culprit for the disturbance of the best sleep Yuki had had in weeks. He walked down the stairs muttering to the person on the other line to hold their horses as he slowly approached the phone.

"Hello…" Yuki answered the phone, his voice fogged with sleep.

"Yuki?" the voice on the other line asked, taken aback by surprise. "Where is Shigure?"

Yuki looked at the clock in the kitchen, becoming more aware of his surroundings. He realized that he had only been sleeping for a little over fifteen minutes. Why did it feel like so much more time had passed? The voice pulled him back to awareness.

"Yuki? Are you okay?" concern built in the voice on the other line.

"Oh…yes, I'm fine, Hatori. Shigure left to deliver your note to the school. He should be on his way back soon." Yuki stated, trying to calm his doctor.

"Well. It sounds like you took my orders to go back to bed seriously… Did you take the shower beforehand?" Hatori's voice became monotone and clinical again.

"Yes, I took the shower. It really helped, thank you." Yuki added, feeling grateful for being so well cared for.

"Good." was the only reply. "Huh…oh, hold on one moment…"

Yuki could hear that Hatori had covered the phone with his hand and was conducting a muffled conversation with someone in the room. All Yuki could make out was that yes, Hatori was speaking with Yuki, and then came more muffled conversation. Then Yuki heard Hatori take his hand off of the phone and the line became clear again.

"Someone wishes to speak with you…" was all he said before handing off the phone.

Yuki prepared to be barraged by irritatingly nosy family members wanting to share their condolences and well wishes. Yuki just sighed and hoped that he would be able to return back to his bed soon.

"Hello…Little Yuki…" came the new voice.

Yuki instantly grabbed his shirt, feeling the all too familiar pain in his chest. His eyes widened as he began to feel his airway tighten. His body trembled uncontrollably as his breath quickened.

"I heard you had fallen ill, and I wanted to see how you were feeling…" cooed the voice, laced underneath with acidic malice.

"I'm fine….thank you." whimpered Yuki, slumping to the kitchen floor and pulling his knees tightly to his chest, willing the shaking in his body to end.

"Well, you sound awful." spat the voice. "I would really hate to see anything bad happen to my favorite…little…cousin." the last words were spoken with slow, methodic purpose.

Yuki had learned long ago that the term 'little' was used to further solidify his insignificance, and not as a term of endearment. There was no endearment…only hate and pain. And it was painfully clear that the only 'bad' happening to Yuki would be _his_ doing, and _his_ alone. After a period of silence the disembodied voice spoke again.

"You really should get some more rest, Little Yuki. When you get to feeling better I expect you will come and visit me. You see, I haven't been feeling too well myself, lately, and a visit from you would cheer me up…greatly." the voice whispered this last word in a most unimaginably wicked tone, and Yuki had to cover his mouth to stifle the horrified moan.

Shigure entered the kitchen, back from his errand, and his eyes widened with horror at the boy's expression. He took in the sight of Yuki balled up on the kitchen floor in the fetal position. Yuki had lost all color in his face and the hand that clutched the phone in a death-grip was shaking uncontrollably.

"Yuki! Are you having another asthma attack!? Yuki, are you okay!?" Shigure shouted, but all Yuki could hear was the malicious giggle erupting from the other end of the phone.

"Uh-oh! You had better go take care of that…Little Yuki." the voice laughed, obviously able to hear the commotion on the other end of the line. "Remember, you need to get better now so you can come see me…right?" and with that the phone went silent.

Shigure had to pry the phone out of Yuki's hand and help him off the floor. Once he was back in bed Shigure proceeded to dig for the necessary medication. Once taken the effects were immediate and Yuki could feel himself breathing again. Shigure sighed with relief as he finally collapse next to Yuki's bed.

"…So…" began Shigure, having finally caught his own breath. "Do you need me to call Hatori?"

"No!" Yuki shouted, eyes widening in sheer panic. "I mean…that really wont be necessary. Honestly, I'm fine now…" his voice trailed off, trying to convince himself more than anyone else. "All I want to do is get some sleep…" he lied, but at least it would make Shigure want to leave him alone.

And sure enough, with that Shigure exited the room without any further pleading on Yuki's part. Yuki focused on the rain, now pounding ferociously outside his window. At lease he was probably not missing much for track. He drifted unwillingly into sleep, and although he did not have another violent nightmare he shed many, many tears. Another thing he was only capable of in his sleep. Just another ability stripped away by _him_.

Yuki spent the entire weekend confined to his bed, made sure by Shigure and the countless obnoxious family members who stopped by to see him. Momiji and Hatsuharu, or 'Haru' as he was affectionately called, came to visit Yuki the most, all three days before the end of the weekend. The visits with his younger cousins constituted mostly of Momiji energetically jumping on the end of Yuki's bed, forcing Yuki to sit cross-legged to avoid his shins becoming casualties. Haru would just stand in the middle of the room yelling at Momiji to knock it off, which caused Yuki to have to cup his ears as well. Shigure walked in more than once in order to absorb the spectacle, Yuki pleading with him to make both of them go away. But Shigure could see the positive effect they were having on Yuki's health so he allowed the circus to continue. It didn't hurt that it also added to his own personal amusement. Yuki was even visited by his older brother Ayame who, despite being very close to Shigure, had only recently shown any interest in getting to know Yuki himself. Yuki had really only ever spoke to his brother once, when he was very young, and it had gone very badly. Yuki remembered being shunned, further confirming his worthlessness. And although he was adamant to Ayame's face that he did not want a relationship, Yuki was secretly grateful to his big brother for at least trying.

By the time Monday morning came Yuki practically ran out of the house screaming, eager get back to school and a level of…normalcy. But on arrival Yuki was further barraged by his 'fan club' at school, consisting of admiring girls, some boys, and even a few teachers. Two years of high school, and into his third, and Yuki still could not fathom the infatuation. By the time school was over Yuki had become thoroughly exhausted of answering the same question of why he had not been at school on Friday. He almost began to miss the weekend spent with his two cousins…almost. He remembered the weekend while walking home from school alone, a slight smile playing at the edge of his lips. A smile that quickly dissipated when he saw a black car parked outside of the house. Yuki entered the house cautiously.

"Ah, Yuki. There you are! Took your sweet time coming back from school, huh? Spending some quality time with one of your pretty classmates, perhaps?" Shigure laughed playfully, causing Yuki's frown to deepen.

"Cut it our, Shigure…" Yuki mumbled, walking past him and into the kitchen.

"You two really need to start taking better care of this house. This kitchen is atrocious." a monotone voice came from the table, making Yuki stiffen with surprise.

"Hatori?" he breathed, feeling much more relieved, relief soon to be short lived.

"Take off your shirt, I need to examine you." Hatori prompted.

"Sheesh, Hatori! Let the kid at least sit down and give me the scoop on all of his loving admirers! Come on now, Yuki, how many gorgeous high school girls were worried about you when you missed school!" Shigure giggled as he began to break into another one of his deeply inappropriate songs about high school girls.

"Shut up!" Hatori and Yuki yelled in unison, stopping Shigure's song right in it's tracks.

After a moment of welcomed silence Yuki finally placed his book bag and jacket in his room and came down the stairs, taking off his shirt as prompted. He made his way to the kitchen again, coming to sit at the table facing his bare back to Hatori to allow the examination. Once Yuki was given a bill of full recovery Hatori's expression deepened, his gaze becoming even more serious than normal.

"Yuki," he started, his voice becoming hard. "Akito has summoned you pending the results of your checkup." At this Yuki recoiled, a reaction they had all seen one too many times.

Yuki walked silently along side Hatori to the car. Shigure just watched both of them leave, wishing desperately that he could be with Yuki in what he was about to endure. But that was not how it worked in this family. All Shigure could do was wait, and be here when it was all over. His eyes followed the black car as it slowly slipped away into the distance.

Yuki exited the car first, attempting to avoid Hatori's gaze as he had done for the duration of the drive. Even though Yuki could not really blame Hatori directly for what he knew he was about to suffer, the fact that Hatori had an idea of what had been happening to Yuki for some time now, and never stopped it, left a feeling of resentment. In the end Yuki understood, like the rest of the family, that _he_ was to be refused nothing. He walked in silence slowly along the path to the front door, following behind Hatori. Hatori knocked, and waited for the signal to enter. They walked into a plain entrance, almost resembling a waiting room, and stood in silence until they heard a faint voice come from one of the nearby rooms.

"Thank you, Hatori. That will be all. But…stick around, I might need you later." the voice came cordially, and with that Hatori left Yuki's side.

"Come in, Little Yuki." the voice beckoned soothingly from the room upon hearing the door close behind Hatori. "I wish to see you…"

Yuki stepped forward numbly into the room which was dim, the only light coming through the window. Yuki knew that _he_ preferred darkness due to chronic migraines, so remembered not to turn on the light. And as the light from the doorway flooded the room Yuki could see _his_ thin frame standing by the window, back turned to Yuki looking out.

"Close the door, please." _his _voice came weekly, and Yuki remembered what _he_ had said about being ill as well.

Like Yuki, Akito had suffered chronic and serious childhood illness. The two had been quarantined numerous times as children, usually together…and always alone. However, unlike Yuki, Akito was not growing out of his illness. Only two years older then Yuki, and Akito was growing closer to death. That well known fact gave Yuki little comfort now as he obliged, closing the door.

"Sit." came the demand, and Yuki silently moved to kneel on the hardwood floor in the middle of the room.

"How long has it been since we were in this room together, Little Yuki?" he mused, not turning from his view out the window. "I think that out of all the rooms in this house…this one is my favorite." he finished, giving a light chuckle.

"So…you are feeling better now, are you?"Akito asked, malice beginning to form behind his kind words.

"Yes" Yuki replied, keeping his voice as even as he could. "Thank you." he bowed his head, keeping his gaze fixed on the hardwood floor.

"Good." Akito responded coolly, not turning away from the window. "So…I really must know. Did you think you could get away with your little stunt?"

"I…I don't understand…" Yuki stammered, attempting to remain calm while genuinely trying to comprehend the meaning of this accusation.

"Come now…" he whispered. "Causing such a scene, making the family worry, taking Hatori from my side… You just wanted people to pay attention to you." he spat the last words, animosity growing.

"I…..I" Yuki stammered, but could not manage the words to defend himself.

Akito turned from the window and moved slowly, deliberately towards Yuki with movements so graceful and fluid that it was difficult to imagine this man being so ill. As he heard the footsteps growing closer, keeping his eyes transfixed on the floor, Yuki's breath quickened and despite his best effort he began to tremble. He stiffened as he felt a hand glide gently, almost tenderly through his hair. Yuki did not take down his defenses, however. He had been through this too many times. And, as always, Akito never disappointed, possibly one of his better qualities, as he finally twisted his thin fingers into Yuki's hair and violently ripped Yuki's head back, forcing Yuki to look at him.

"What makes _you_ so _damn_ special!" Akito screamed, forcing Yuki's head further back.

"I…I…I'm so…sorry." Yuki whimpered, and a long deep hiss escaped Akito's lips.

"Sorry?" Akito growled. "Sorry? Hah!" he scoffed.

Yuki watched as the grimace on Akito's face slowly curled into a cruel and sinister smile. A gasp escaped Yuki's lips as he tried to comprehend how someone so terrifying could be so beautiful. And Akito was beautiful, even in illness, and Yuki had never understood members of the family who said that they looked so much alike.

"Sorry…hmmm…well I doubt that very much…" Akito said, his voice full of scorn, his lips ever holding that merciless smile.

Still gripping Yuki's hair at the scalp Akito began to stoop, with such grace that it again entranced Yuki. Akito moved so close to Yuki's face that they almost brushed cheeks, making Yuki automatically blush. Yuki shivered at the sensation of warm breath on his skin as Akito whispered four, clear words into his ear.

"But…you…will…be…"

Yuki sighed and closed his eyes, as a single tear escaped to trace it's way down his cheek. In one fluid motion Akito moved up and, lifting Yuki by his hair, slammed him face first into the floor. Immediately stunned, Yuki was unprepared for the impact to his ribcage as Akito kicked him hard enough to roll him onto his back. Gasping and still dazed from the initial impact, all Yuki could do was gaze in astonishment at the sheer pleasure on Akito's face. Then came the second impact to his chest, as he was almost certain he felt one of his ribs break. Though all of his being forced against it, Yuki cried out weakly. Akito appeared to take immense gratification in this reaction as he fell to his knees, placing his face inches from Yuki's.

"You see, I just knew that your visit would cheer me right up." he cooed, then erupted with laughter.

Yuki's face furrowed with the pain radiating from his ribcage and head, trying to make his breathing as shallow as possible to prevent further injury. Upon seeing this Akito's smile faded slightly.

"Hmmm…" Akito assessed the situation clinically, looking away from Yuki. "Clearly I'm enjoying this more than you are…" he mused, then looked directly into Yuki's eyes with a smirk. "I really must leave you with something spectacular, shouldn't I?"

With that Akito stood and walked to the other side of the room to a small cabinet mounted to the wall. A few moments later he returned in silence holding something brightly polished. Yuki began to shutter as Akito knelt next to him, smiling maliciously.

"Hmmmm…" he began, watching Yuki's growing horror, "Yes…I do believe that _this_ one had always been your _very_ favorite…" Akito held the small, delicate blade, gently sliding it the length of his jaw. "Now, where should I start this time…" his eyes lit up. "Ah, I assume Hatori handed you that shirt after your checkup? So sweet, always keeping me in mind…" he smiled with delight as he began to slowly unbutton Yuki's shirt with one hand. "We wouldn't want to ruin this lovely shirt of yours…I actually quite like it, and I guarantee this will be messy."

Akito swiveled from his knees, crossing his legs. He stared into Yuki's eyes, hatred reflecting in his own. His mouth turned downward as his gaze hardened. The blade was delicately placed on Yuki's bare chest, which was hardly moving. Yuki gasped, eyes widened with fear.

"Honestly," Akito spoke harshly, "I really don't understand why you simply refuse to learn your place." he continued, dragging the blade cross Yuki's chest. "Why do you always insist on making me so angry? Everything about you…your insolence…" he dug the blade in deeper, making Yuki wince, "The way you carry yourself like a martyr…" the blade finding a new point on Yuki's chest as he cried out involuntarily, "The way you gain pity from others…" the blade pushed into the skin, as Yuki's pale completion stained red, "The way you simply…breathe." Akito then paused, clenching his fist, "And that damn _face_!" he hissed, striking Yuki's face so hard it split his lower lip.

Then the hand grabbed Yuki's jaw, lifting his head slightly to hold it as Akito stared at him.

"Remember _what_ you are…" Akito spat bitterly, "I am your reason for living, and it's about damn time you start acting like it. Try pulling something like this again…and I swear I will just kill you." with that Akito slammed the back of Yuki's head to the floor.

As Akito stood and turned to leave the room Yuki was again left alone with his thoughts. In the silence Yuki wished the pain to cease, and knew that the cruelest thing Akito could have done that day was accomplished when he left Yuki…alive.


	2. In Your Absence

"I am your reason for living!" The voice spat bitterly "When I am gone you will see, Little Yuki. Everyone…even you… will remember me. But you?" The voice scoffed, "Everyone will continue to _hate_ you."

These words echoed in Yuki's head as he stared blankly at the wall. As much as he wanted to let go, he found himself unwillingly holding onto that voice. Yuki was left with an emotion he did not even know he was capable of…anger. And Yuki was…angry. Before Yuki even had a chance to respond he heard the door begin to open.

"Come on, ya damn rat! Your going to make us all late." Kyo, another of Yuki's many cousins, barged into the room scowling at him.

"I already told you I'm not going…" He answered hollowly, his gaze still transfixed on the wall.

Kyo just stood there, waiting for one of Yuki's pithy responses…or anything, really. It was a well known fact that Yuki and Kyo had never gotten along, leaving each other bloody on more than one occasion. In fact, if Kyo was ever willing to be honest with himself, Yuki had won every single sparing match they had ever had. A fact Yuki was well aware he was hated for.

"Fine." Kyo huffed, slamming the door behind him when Yuki refused to respond.

Yuki did not move, or even blink. Even after listening to Kyo yell down the hall about his obstinance. As he heard the others leave the house he finally exhaled, not even realizing that he had been holding his breath in the first place.

Yuki was 25 now, the age Shigure had been when Yuki first came to live with him. Yuki had graduated top of his class in high school, and ended up being hospitalized by Akito after his graduation party…a gift, he had called it. And when Yuki received a full ride scholarship to the best university in the country Akito used his…persuasion…in order get Yuki to step down and decline the scholarship, offending several of his teachers in the process. After that Yuki settled quietly into work at a family owned book store in town. Quietly, that was, until last week when Akito passed away. Today was the funeral, and Yuki just sat there…staring at the wall in disbelief.

Time continued to move forward, and eventually Yuki stopped talking…to everyone. He moved through his days at the store avoiding the customers, and would lock himself in his room upon returning home. At first the response was concern, especially from Shigure. But eventually the caring concern faded into bewilderment and frustration. No one could understand Yuki's reaction. Akito was dead, after all, and Yuki's pain was gone…wasn't it?

It had been six months to the day since Akito's passing, and Yuki awoke to a spring downpour. It was early, and Shigure and Kyo were still sleeping. He got ready quietly, like he did every morning, in order not to disturb them. However, unlike most mornings, Yuki was not planning on showing up to work today.

He walked through the empty streets slowly, getting soaked by the rain as he had chosen to leave his umbrella behind. Despite being drenched Yuki quite enjoyed the walk. No one was around to stare at him with worry or, worse yet, pity. And he did not have to pretend to be anything else but what he had become…empty. Through his musing he had lost tack of time, and was surprised to find that he had made it to his destination so soon.

"So." He spat scornfully, the first word he had spoken in months. "I'm finally here, you bastard." His gaze narrowed at the gravestone. "I suppose you expect some spectacular display in your honor?" He scoffed, throwing his gaze downward, something clutched in his right hand. "You were wrong, you know. I hated this knife, but it seems to fit somehow." He pushed up his left arm sleeve roughly, eyes hardened. "It fits because it reminds me of how much I hate you! I hate you! I _hate_ you!" He began to scream repeatedly as he took the blade to his own forearm over, and over, and over again, driving it deeper into the skin.

Yuki smeared the blood dripping from his wounds onto the gravestone, giving Akito what he had always wanted in life. Pain and suffering. Then he let his arm drop limply from the headstone, his blood mingling with the rain to soak the ground around him, as his eyes glazed over from the sudden release.

"Oh my! What are you _doing_!?" A shocked voice cried out, causing Yuki to jerk his head up.

A young woman stood several feet from him clutching her umbrella, a look of horror on her face. She continued to stare at Yuki's left arm with large, dark blue eyes, her long brown hair pulled back in a formal braid rolled into a bun. Yuki simply stood staring back at her with a look of disbelief, trying to comprehend what she had just said. It had been quite some time since anyone had actually spoken to him, but there was something more to this woman.

"Excuse me?! Are you okay?" She asked, more than a little unnerved at the spectacle that had just unfolded right before her very eyes.

"Oh…" Yuki responded slowly, finally putting the pieces together as he followed her gaze to his own arm. "Yes, I'm fine." He answered, guarded, trying to keep his composure by averting his eyes from her face…this was not at all what he had expected.

"Well, you don't look like you're fine. What were you doing?" She asked again, clearly wishing she were somewhere else right now, but unwilling to leave.

Yuki stood there thinking for a moment, not quite sure how to respond. He looked again at his own arm, still bleeding profusely, before forming the words that finally came out of his mouth.

"Cathartic grieving." He said after some thoughtful reflection. "I highly recommend it." And the corner of the girl's mouth twitched up in an involuntary smile at this response.

"It doesn't seem like you liked them all that much." She continued to asses the situation of what she had just seen and heard. "In fact, weren't you just going on about how much you hate them?" A statement she immediately regretted when Yuki's expression hardened.

"It's complicated." He said coldly as he turned to walk away.

"Wait!" She shouted as he listened to her footsteps chase after him. "Don't you need a doctor or something?"

"I told you I was fine." He spat icily as he continued to walk, praying to the heavens that she would just leave him alone.

Yuki continued his journey home in silence, holding his injured arm. Every so often he would peek over his shoulder to see that she was still following him, silently, in the rain. Suddenly the rain stopped and Yuki looked up to find his view obscured by a thin pink veil. Letting his eyes drift to the left of him Yuki found the young woman walking next to him holding her umbrella up high above her in order to share. They walked side by side in silence, both looking straight ahead refusing to look at the other. As Yuki approached the front door of his home he could tell that both Shigure and Kyo were awake. He entered the house, saying nothing when the young woman came in behind him.

"Holy Shit, Yuki! What happened to you?" Shigure gasped, the first one to see him walk in.

"It's nothing, really. I'm fine." Yuki whispered weakly, falling to his knees.

"Yuki!" Shigure followed him to the floor, making sure he wouldn't hurt himself.

"Um…I think he's lost a lot of blood." The young woman replied timidly, only being noticed when she finally spoke.

"Excuse me?" Confusion flooded Shigure's face at the appearance of this strange woman. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Oh! I'm so sorry to intrude!" She began to stammer, her cheeks beginning to blush over the awkward situation she found herself in. "My name is Honda. Tohru Honda. And I found him at the nearby cemetery and followed him back here…I was really worried." Her voice faded as she looked at the ground, embarrassed at having intruded, but it had felt so natural.

"I see." Shigure smiled kindly at the young lady. "Thank you." Tohru returned the smile, nodding.

"Awe hell?! What did you do this time, ya damn rat?!" Kyo shouted from behind Shigure as he entered the room.

Yuki lifted his head weakly, peering over Shigure's shoulder at Kyo, his eyes narrowing with absolute contempt. Still holding his arm, and trying desperately to hold on to consciousness, Yuki leaned on Shigure as he kept his glare transfixed on Kyo.

"Shigure, get him out of here…or so help me." Yuki uttered feebly.

"Oh yeah! _Make_ me leave, sissy boy!" Kyo yelled, pointing his fingerat Yuki.

"Kyo, take a walk." Shigure said, his voice low and serious.

"What? Seriously!?" Kyo shrieked, glaring at Shigure's back.

"Now!" Shigure retorted, leaving Kyo to storm out slamming the door behind him.

"There." Shigure sighed. "That's much better." he smiled, looking at Tohru. "Don't mind him. None of us do." And Tohru blushed, stifling an involuntary giggle. "Now." He started gravely. "I hate to ask, but I think I need your help since you're here."

"Okay." Tohru blinked, taken off guard by the seriousness of the request.

"I need to call our doctor. Could you stay here with him?" He asked, still supporting Yuki's weight to make sure he wouldn't fall.

"Um…sure, I guess." She blushed, looking at the fragile looking young man on the floor whom she had only just met.

Tohru knelt down behind Yuki and supported his back as Shigure leaned him against her, resting Yuki's head on her lap. Yuki's face was extremely pale from the loss of blood, and his breathing had become quite shallow. Tohru marveled at how beautiful and peaceful his face looked as he rested. Shigure thanked her before dismissing himself to go into the other room. She could hear Shigure on the phone, and as she listened her hand absentmindedly drifted to Yuki's hair as she began to run her fingers through it. She let out a startled gasp as Yuki's hand reflexively grabbed her wrist.

"I…I'm so sorry!" She yelped, feeling his hand relax a little around her wrist.

"No." He sighed, not opening his eyes. "It's fine." His hand going back to his injured arm. "It actually feels… very nice." He smiled, still keeping his eyes closed.

Tohru continued to stroke his hair, humming gently to herself, thinking that this was the type of thing her mother use to do for her. Shigure peeked his head in, still on the phone, to see Tohru tenderly cradling Yuki's head looking down at his face. Shigure had not seen that look of peace on Yuki's face in such a long time that he couldn't help smiling to himself. In his heart, he had always hoped that this might happen.

Mechanical beeping and strange voices came from all directions. Yuki sleepily went to rub his forehead with his arm only to be taken aback by the thick bandaging. He sat up, further confused by the IV stuck in his uninjured arm. Then something else unexpected made him stiffen.

"Hey there! How are you feeling?" The gentle voice came, and as Yuki turned his head his gaze met that of Tohru.

"What are _you_ doing here?" He asked, the words coming out more harshly than he had intended.

"Oh! I'm so very sorry! I know I really shouldn't be here!" She stammered, immediately getting up from the chair to leave the hospital room.

Yuki just stared in amazement as he watched the young woman attempt to scramble out of the room. He found the whole display of clumsiness so thoroughly amusing that he began to laugh in spite of himself, which made Tohru freeze in her tracks. The sound of his laughter was unlike anything she had ever heard. She stared blankly at him, not exactly sure of what she should do.

"I didn't mean it like that." He said, regaining his composure. "Please, stay?" He beckoned her back to the chair next to his hospital bed.

"Are you sure?" She looked at him hesitantly, unsure of what to do.

"Yes. I would very much like it if you stayed." He answered, smiling politely, a smile so heartbreaking that it made Tohru feel like crying.

She moved slowly, taking her seat next to him. She held her breath, having so many unanswered questions about what she had seen that morning. Yuki picked up on the questions in her eyes and, with polite gentleness, he finally broke the silence.

"Thank you for your help this morning…Miss Honda, is it?" He whispered softly, staring deeply into her eyes, though the look was careful…guarded.

"Um!" She blushed deeply, averting her gaze. "Your welcome. And, you can call me Tohru." She gave a slight smile.

"Well, thank you, Tohru." He whispered again, emphasizing her name, making her blush deepen.

"Your welcome, Mr Sohma." She whispered back, taking Yuki off guard.

"Excuse me?" He blinked, a look of panic flashing across his face, not understanding how it was that she knew him.

"Well, I had a feeling you wouldn't remember me. But…" She began. "I'm pretty sure we went to the same high school together. You were the most popular guy in the entire school. Your looks haven't changed much, but you were surrounded by a lot more fans back then." She smiled, giggling at his bewilderment.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize…" He trailed off, a brief look of pain on his face. "So…" He looked dubiously at Tohru. "Were you…"

"What? A member of the 'Prince Yuki Fan Club'?" And with that they both began laughing. "No, no. Not me." She giggled warmly.

"Well, that's a relief." He smiled politely. "I never really had much patience for them."

Just then the hospital door opened, disturbing their lighthearted banter. Upon seeing the stunningly handsome physician the room became deafeningly quite. When Tohru glimpsed the expression of contempt on Yuki's face as he looked at the doctor she averted her gaze. It was obvious to Tohru that Yuki knew this person, and clearly disliked them.

"Good afternoon." He stated coldly, not looking up from the file he was holding in his hand. "May I have a moment alone with the patient?" He finally looked up making eye contact with Tohru.

"Oh! Yes, of course!" She said nervously, not entirely sure she wanted to leave with the way Yuki looked.

As Tohru left the room Yuki felt himself shutting down. Becoming numb. Any respect or affection Yuki had for the man in the room with him was destroyed by those very hands that continuously nursed him to full health, only to be beaten within an inch of his life. Yuki's body was maintained in order to remain Akito's personal punching bag, and Yuki could not help but blame him…for everything.

"Hatori." He said, though more as a curse than a greeting.

"I see you finally called off your speech strike." Hatori came back with a snide smile. "How are you feeling." He continued, looking back at his chart.

"Fine." Yuki responded distantly, fixing his gaze on the bed sheets.

"I need to re-dress your wounds." Hatori stated clinically, setting the chart down on the nearby food tray.

Yuki just held his bandaged arm out to Hatori as an offering. Hatori worked silently with gentle hands to unwrap the bandage, revealing Hatori's sutures of Yuki's handiwork. The gashes had been deep, and were becoming enflamed. Hatori looked up at Yuki to see him assessing the damage with a sense of pride.

"You came very close to dying." He began in a monotone voice. "You lost so much blood that we had to do a transfusion. You are lucky you missed all of the major veins and arteries in your arm."

"Really?" Yuki mused, still staring at his wounds. "I must remember that for next time…" He smiled bitterly.

"That's not very funny, Yuki." A level of concern came over Hatori at this blatant statement.

"It really wasn't meant to be." Yuki stated flatly as his expression hardened.

"Yuki. What were you planning on accomplishing by this?" Hatori asked harshly.

"Don't you know?" He hissed, glaring at Hatori. "I'm just picking up where he left off. Is this not what he always wanted? My eternal misery and damnation?" He spat.

"Is that why _she's_ with you…" Hatori asked pointedly.

"You leave her out of this." Yuki warned aggressively, clenching his fist.

"I am just wondering what you hope to get from her…" Hatori whispered, but Yuki remained silent, leaving Hatori to finish dressing the wounds while Yuki glared out the window.

"Well, you should be fine to be discharged as long as you take it easy with your arm. I'll go and call Shigure to come get you." Hatori said calmly, breaking the silence.

"Don't bother. Now get out." Yuki growled, wanting Hatori to simply leave.

Hatori departed, leaving Yuki to brood. Yuki stood, carefully removing the hospital gown. He found his clothes in the corner of the room. Putting on his pants, Yuki then braced his hands on the window, wincing slightly at the throbbing in his arm, as he looked out into the pouring rain. Hearing the door open, he automatically stiffened his shoulders, lowering his head.

"I told you to get out!" He shouted.

"Oh. I'm so sorry. I'll just be leaving now." The gentle voice came, causing Yuki to lift his head and peer over his shoulder.

"Tohru?" His eyes softened, his tone becoming civil again. "No, come in." He smiled, still turned toward the window.

As Tohru entered the room she blushed, realizing that Yuki was still shirtless. Then she looked closer. Yuki's back was extremely muscular despite being so thin, and as she stared she began to see something else. She saw that his back was riddled with scars from what looked like lacerations and burns. She gasped in horror as he turned around, revealing more scarring on his chest and abdomen. Taking in her expression, his gazed hardened as he put on his shirt roughly.

"It's rude to stare." He stated, walking past her to move to the door.

"I'm sorry! You're right!" She yelped, realizing she had offended him. "It's just that…" She faltered in her voice, trying to find the words to smooth things over. "I know more than a few women who would have just died seeing the great 'Prince Yuki' without his shirt on." she stammered, blushing.

Yuki stopped slowly, his hand paused on the doorknob. And as his shoulders began to relax he let his hand fall back limply to the side. He stood, waiting, as he heard her foot steps approach from behind him. They both stood there, silently, as Tohru stared at Yuki's back unable to rid herself of the image of his scarred body. She wanted to reach out and put her hand on his back, to comfort him, but hesitated when he reflexively flinched. She sighed as she put her hand back down, not knowing what to do.

"I suppose you want a proper thank you." He mumbled, not turning around. "Come on, let's go get some coffee." And she smiled with relief as they exited the room together.

As they sat at the café Yuki was amazed at how easy it was to talk to Tohru, in spite of everything that had happened. When he looked at her, more than just the pain in his arm seemed to lessen. He knew she had seen more than he had allowed anyone else to in so long, and he saw neither worry or pity in her eyes. He found it refreshing, being able to enjoy this level of peace. But he could not help but watch her reactions carefully, waiting for everything to fall apart. As they walked back to the house together Yuki abruptly turned to Tohru, making her jump slightly.

"Tohur," He asked quietly, remaining guarded. "Do you…" He hesitated. "Would you mind if… I held your hand?"

"Um…sure!" Tohru blushed, trying to comprehend why someone like Yuki Sohma would take such an immediate interest in someone like her.

With that they walked together hand-in-hand, silently. As they arrived at the house Shigure was sitting on the porch with a news paper and cup of tea. He looked up from the paper to see the two approach, and greeted them warmly with a smile.

"Hello you two! I heard that you had left the hospital together. Did you have a nice time?" Shigure asked.

"Oh yes! Mr. Sohma treated me to a cup of coffee and some lunch to say thank you." Tohru said politely, smiling at Shigure.

"Tohru, I told you, you can call me Yuki." He said gently, still holding her hand.

"Oh yeah, sorry!" She smiled up at him, and he could not help but smile back warmly.

"Will you be staying a while, Tohru?" Shirgure asked, but kept his eyes carefully on Yuki.

"No." Yuki came abruptly, making Tohru flinch. "Well…" He started again, softer this time. "I have already inconvenienced you enough with this mornings antics, and I wouldn't dream of taking up any more of your time. Besides, I'm sure you have other things to attend to." He finished, making her chuckle with his attempt at an apology.

"Well, since you put it that way. I do have errands that were neglected this morning." She smiled, winking at him. "So…I will see you later then?" But Yuki had already disappeared into the house without a word.

"Don't worry about him." Shigure smiled, seeing the concern on Tohru's face. "I'm sure you two will bump into each other soon!" And with that she was gone.

Shigure was sitting at the table, eating leftover takeout, when he heard the fridge open. As he looked up, he found Yuki sifting through the boxes of randomly ordered food until he had finally decided on one. Then Yuki made his way to the table and began to eat in silence.

"It's good to see you back at the table." Shigure whispered, watching Yuki from across the table.

"Shigure," Yuki began quietly, not sure where to start. "Thank you. For this morning, I mean. Thank you for not saying anything to Tohru."

"Well, to be honest I was so taken off guard by the whole entire thing there wasn't much I _could_ say." He chuckled, looking at Yuki's bandaged arm. "By the way, what in the hell happened this morning? What were you doing at the cemetery? Weren't you suppose to be at work?"

"Yeah…" Yuki grumbled. "I suppose I didn't really have a plan when I went there." He continued, rubbing the back of his head in admittance at his failure to think this morning through.

"I see…" Shigure said, choosing to be gentle and let Yuki work things out.

"I had hoped that for once in my life I could just tell him how I really felt, so I could finally move on." Yuki continued, melancholy beginning to set in. "But then she showed up. And it occurred to me that I will never be allowed to move on. To forget. To be happy…ever." He finished, hopelessly putting his head into his hands.

"You know…you could always just tell her." Shigure said hesitantly.

"Tell her what?" Yuki hissed coldly, making Shigure flinch with his icy glare. "Tell her that we had a life together? That I had asked her hand in marriage and we eloped? That we had a beautiful baby girl named after her dead mother? That we were happy together and because of me we lost _everything_?" Tears were streaming down his face. "I would really like to know exactly what _you_ thing I should tell her?"

"Okay. I guess I see your point." Shigure said, regretting he had ever opened his mouth.

When Yuki was 19, he had met Tohru at the book store. She had recognized him first, from high school of course, and the two had hit if off. With the help and support of Shigure, Yuki had been able to convince Akito that living with Shigure was becoming unbearable, and he was finally allowed to move into his own place. Soon after that he asked Tohru to marry him, despite knowing the danger if their relationship was ever made public. Then, less than a year after their secret union, they unexpectedly welcomed a baby girl. Yuki insisted on naming her Kyoko, after Tohru's mother, whom he had never had the chance to meet. For the first time in his life, Yuki felt happy, and he was so careful to keep his world and his happiness a secret. Looking back, Yuki should have known that his world would eventually come crashing down around him, as it always enviably did.

That day came when Yuki entered his home to find Hatori standing over Tohru's unconscious body. He informed Yuki that he was to return to Shigure's place and that Tohru, who had had her memories erased, would be allowed to continue living in their home. When Yuki asked were his daughter was, all Hatori had said was that she was gone. Only three months old, and she was gone. Yuki had ran all the way to the main house to confront Akito personally, an action he had never thought he would have the courage to do. He remembered Akito's wicked grin as he greeted him. When Yuki demanded his child back, Akito said that he had made the decision to 'put the _thing_ out of it's misery.' Akito had taken great pleasure in Yuki's reaction, as he fell to his knees and vomited.

"Well, what _are_ you going to do, then?" Shigure asked quietly, breaking Yuki from his horrific reverie.

"Nothing." He whispered, looking at Shigure through puffy red eyes. "I'm going to do nothing…and so are you."

"But…" Shigure protested.

"Please!" He begged weakly. "I know everyone hates me. And you can hate me too. But I will not put my wife through the pain of loosing our child again."

"So. You're just going to keep on living with this, even though you have found each other again? Even though Akito's dead?"

"I should have never found her in the first place!" He shouted "It's all my fault. I should have never put her through so much suffering."

"But she's not suffering. You saw her, Yuki. She's happy." Shigure looked at Yuki, completely perplexed.

"She will. She will suffer…if I stay with her." Yuki whispered. "She would find out, eventually. The fact that she is happy now is my only source of comfort. Please, don't ask me to give that away." And all Shigure could do was look at Yuki in disbelief.

"So. That's it then. You two just go your separate ways and you continue to torture yourself in his place?" Disgust laced in Shigures voice.

"Well. Not exactly." Yuki mumbled, looking down at the at the table, avoiding Shigures gaze. "After seeing her today, I know that I can't continue life without her."

"But you won't let yourself have her, either!" Shigure yelled with exasperation.

"No." Came Yuki's confirmation as he stood up from the table.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"I need you to do something for me." He asked, not turning to face Shigure. "If you see Tohru again, tell her I said thank you for the wonderful time I had today, and that I'm sorry. None of this is her fault."

"What do you mean?" Shigure asked. "What are you planning on doing?"

"Just promise me." He pleaded, ignoring Shigure's questions.

"Fine. I promise."

"And one more thing." Yuki whispered, his hand on the door to the outside.

"What?" Shigure asked hesitantly.

"Don't come after me." And with that Yuki departed, leaving Shigure alone at the table, a sinking feeling in his stomach.


	3. Epilogue: The Pieces Of You In Me

**A/N: This story had ended at chapter 2 for me. However, your guy's loving and supportive reviews spurred me to finish this story properly. This final chapter is dedicated to my sister in angst OfAmethystEyes who, after some late night literary counsel, is the true brain child behind the concept of this chapter. If you have appreciated my story, even in the least, I suggest you read her work. I personally guarantee you will not be disappointed! Thanks again to all of you for your loving support of this story!**

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Yuki walked quickly with great purpose. Alcohol. He needed alcohol. He peered over his shoulder every so often to make sure Shigure had actually listened. Yuki never felt more alive then he did right in this moment, and had to laugh to himself over the irony of his own emotions. He spotted a small convenience store along the way to his destination, and his eyes flickered with exhilaration. Yes, alcohol. He entered the store in a flurry, startling the cashier as he approached.

"Hey." Yuki announced himself, slightly out of breath.

"Hello." The cashier responded slowly, a little unnerved by the gentleman on the other side of the counter.

"I would like one of those." Yuki pointed to a 1.75L bottle of vodka in the display behind the cashier.

"Is that all for you?" The cashier asked dubiously, eyeing Yuki to check for sobriety.

"No…I'm throwing myself a party and no one is invited." Yuki replied flatly, countering the cashier with the raise of an eyebrow.

"Uh-huh." The cashier finally responded, begrudgingly handing the bottle to Yuki. "That'll be $15.99." Yuki completed the transaction in silence.

"See you around, man." The cashier called after Yuki, though the look on his face said he knew this would never happen.

Yuki stopped where his morning had begun. The beginning to his undoing. A fourth of the vodka bottle had already been consumed, and he felt the calm warmth of it rush through his body. Finally, as he slid the length of the gravestone to the ground, he found the words to say.

"I understand now." He began in a low murmur. "I believe I finally understand the lesson you were trying to teach me all of these years." He closed his eyes and leaned the back his head on the gravestone, feeling the chill of the of the ground creep up through his body.

"I know my place now." Resignation filled his voice. "It's with you. It's always been with you." He sighed, feeling the cold night breeze on his warm cheeks.

Yuki fished for something in his coat pocket, finally finding what he was looking for. Oxycodone…Hatori should have known better. He was a terrible physician, Yuki chuckled to himself. What doctor in his right mind would have given any prescription medication to his potentially suicidal patient? And Shigure…he was just and idiot's ass for letting him leave. The more Yuki thought about this, the more violently his body shook with laughter. Or was that the alcohol? Yuki took deep breaths in between his laughing fit, finally gaining a level of composure. He opened the prescription bottle and placed half of it's contents into the palm of his shaking hand. Placing the medication in his mouth, he chased it with a mouth full of vodka.

He smiled lightly, as a memory entered his mind. A nursery rhyme he use to sing to his daughter on days that it would rain. He began to hum lightly, changing the words in his mind before singing aloud.

"Pain pain, go away,

Come again some other day.

With your wicked grin,

I just can't win,

So I kill the devil that's within."

He gave a light chuckle over his morbid rendition, taking another drink of vodka before continuing.

"Pain pain, go away,

Come again some other day.

No longer me,

Please set me free,

With these pills I'll cease to be."

Yuki placed the rest of the contents of the pill bottle in his hand, pausing briefly. Nausea swept over him, and Yuki vomited in his mouth. By shear willpower he forced himself to swallow it down, as tears streaked his face. He could, and had, endured worse…and had come too far not to succeed now. He waited for the nausea to subside before placing the rest of the medication in his mouth. Yuki could feel his heartbeat slowing down, or was that in his head too? He sighed, giving in to the desire to sleep. As his breath grew shallow he whispered two words.

"You win."

Yuki's body went lax, as his head drooped to rest on his chest, unconsciousness finally claiming him.

Tohru woke early to a glorious morning. She smiled to herself, always looking forward to the days where she had time to say hello to her mom before going to work. She just couldn't wait to tell her mom about the man she had met the other day. Tohru skipped out the door, hoping that she would see the man again sooner rather than later.

She sang to herself lightly, her face turned towards the sun as she entered the cemetery. A gasp escaped her lips as she stumbled along the walkway and fell to her hands and knees. Tohru let out a small whimper, more from embarrassment than pain. She quickly lifted her head to see if there had been any witnesses. She thought she saw someone in the distance, and slowly got up.

"Hello?" She called, watching for any sigh of movement. "Hello?" She said again louder, wondering if the person was…sleeping?

Tohru inched her way towards the person cautiously, clutching her bag in front of her for self defense. A lady alone could never be too careful, after all. As she got closer, Tohru became convinced that she knew the person.

"…Mr. Sohma?" She asked, almost certain she was right, wondering why he was here…again. "Is that you?" She finally reached him.

Tohru knelt down, eyelevel with the young man. He looked as if he were sleeping, and she gently brushed his bangs away from his face. His forehead felt cold. Had he been out here all night? She looked around and immediately saw the vodka bottle. That certainly explained a lot, a small smile involuntarily playing at the corner of her lips. How had she met such a…colorful…person? Whatever it was that he was going through, Tohru found herself wanting to help him in any way she could. An emotion she did not quite comprehend. She reached out to touch his face, so peaceful, when something else caught her eye. Next to his hand she saw an empty pill bottle, and quickly put the two together. In a moment of panic she grabbed Yuki by the shoulders and began to shake him.

"Yuki!" She shouted in horror. "Somebody! Help!" Tears streamed down her face.

Tohru frantically dug through her bag to find her phone, and dialed the emergency contact number. As she waited for the ambulance to arrive Tohru gently moved Yuki to cradle his head in her lap. She caressed Yuki's hair and began to sing to him, more as an attempt to hold herself together. Her voiced finally faltered as she began to sob.

"Why did you leave me?" She choked out. "I just found you." Tohru stifled her sobs and looked around helplessly, her eyes focusing on the gravestone.

"…A…kito…" She whispered, wondering why that name seemed so familiar, the feeling soon fading with the arrival of the ambulance.

Shigure sat on his front porch with the morning paper, cigarette in mouth, taking advantage of the beautiful spring weather. Yuki had not come back home, which did not necessarily surprise him. He pushed the ominous feeling from the night before to the back of his mind, and continued to read the news. His preoccupation with the classifieds was broken by the sound of a car pulling up. Shigure peeked over his newspaper, expecting Hatori's black vehicle. What he saw shocked him as the police car pulled to a stop in his driveway. Kyo was in the house, so Shigure knew this matter had nothing to do with him. He had to stifle a laugh at the obvious alternative of Yuki being escorted back home by the police. Always being held up as the model of perfection, Yuki would never live this one down. He placed the paper down and began to stand up. This was going to be good, and he simply could not wait to tell Ayame. The police man exited the car and opened the back passenger door. The cigarette fell from Shigure's lips as he watched Tohru get out of the car. The look on her face made his knees instantly weak, and all he could think was 'He didn't…'. She walked up to him slowly, and with each step the voice in his head began to scream, louder and louder 'He didn't…he didn't…he _didn't_!'.

"I…" She began, trying to hold back her tears. "I didn't know where else to go." And all Shigure could do was nod his head once in response.

"I'm so sorry…" She whispered, looking up at Shigure.

Suddenly the floodgates opened and she began to sob. In a flurry she closed the gap between them and slid her arms around his ribcage burying her face into his chest. Shigure stood in momentary shock, unsure of what to do or how to feel, falling unresponsive in the embrace. As the muffled sobs and apologies continued into his chest he slowly put his arms around her, unconsciously rubbing her upper back comfortingly. The sobs subsided into small hiccups, and Tohru finally looked up at Shigure to see him peering down at her through his reading glasses with a mixture of love and sympathy. Without even thinking she reached her small hand up to his cheek to wipe his tears, as he realized for the first time that he too was crying. But for who? With a sigh, and a weak smile, Shigure finally spoke.

"I think we need something to drink." And Tohru nodded in agreement.

Shigure came back out onto the porch several moments later with a tea set, and placed it on the ground as he took a seat. Tohru followed suit, taking a seat next to him in silence. Shigure lit another cigarette as Tohru poured two cups of tea. She put the cup to her lips as Shigure exhaled a puff of smoke. They sat in silence, both in deep contemplation, before Tohru finally spoke in a soft tone, putting her cup down.

"Why did he do it?" She whispered, not looking at Shigure, as he considered her question for a moment.

"Yuki endured a great deal of torment from an early age." He said, thinking over his words as he took another drag of his cigarette.

"Oh…" Her gaze fell to the ground as she heard this.

"But…" Shigure continued, looking up at the clear sky. "I can guarantee that all of the happiness he ever had he shared with you." And Tohru found herself blushing.

"I really don't see how that's possible." She stated incredulously, looking at Shigure. "He only just met me…" She murmured.

"That may be true…" Shigure conceded, deciding to keep his promise to Yuki for the moment. "But in all these years I had never seen him as happy as when he was with you." He finished, a smile playing across his face as he saw her blush deepen.

They finished the rest of their tea in silence. Shigure gave a dramatic stretch, stiff from sitting on the hard surface of his porch for such a long time. He looked at Tohru and began to rub the back of his head, a sheepish grin on his face.

"I'm so sorry." He began hesitantly. "But we have a rather large family, and I should probably start notifying the others. I have a feeling the whole process will take quite some time." He paused for a moment before beginning again. "But, you are more than welcome to stay a while longer if you want."

"No. I should be going." She smiled at the offer. "I should probably make a phone call to my work. I'm sure they are pretty worried about me by now. I should let them know I'm okay." She said as they both stood up.

"Keep in touch." Shigure called as Tohru walked off the porch.

"I will." She said, smiling over her shoulder as she walked away.


End file.
